I first met young Ryan Schafer at a backyard party at a fellow infidel’s house. I was introduced to this dynamic, slightly Andy Griffith-like personality while he was engaged in a beer pong tournament of which he was playing with exceptional precision and skill. It was in between games when I found out he was a budding copywriter and it was during that conversation where we began a journey that, as of yesterday, came full circle when my young protege’ announced his candidacy for Junior Copywriter.
As Ryan and I have traversed the valleys of words and rhyme and climbed the peaks of rhythm and cadence, I have gotten to know this young scribbler and have become convinced that as a junior copywriter at Jajo, there could be no one better.
Besides his ability to break into song or Shakespearean verse upon command, he also possesses the necessary equipment and ability to pick locks in under thirty seconds. All needed skills to write exceptional copy.
We have taken the necessary steps to ensure his success at Jajo. Dave Hahn, a fellow Phi-Delt brother, implemented a rigorous and thorough process of hazing and belittlement guaranteeing that as a junior copywriter, he will know his place in the organization and never slow a stride or bat an eye when asked to fetch coffee.
I could further elucidate on the positive attributes that this young writer possesses; like his extraordinary fondness for yard darts or the kindness he has shown to out-of-work equestrian masseurs, but I don’t believe it’s needed.
I will, however, leave you with a story young Ryan told us one evening while playing basketball in the design dungeon, deep in the bowels of Jajo. It went something like this:
“When I was a wee lad of 11, I played intramural basketball at my school. Being vertically challenged, to shoot a basket, I had to rainbow the shot. And my teammates began calling me Rainbow.”
And as the saying goes, the rest is history. By the time Ryan pulled his foot out of his pie-hole, the damage was done and he was going to be known at Jajo as“Rainbow,” forever.
So not only do I endorse Ryan Schafer. I truly hope there is gold at the end of his rainbow.
